4 things I learned while planning my wedding
I was never one of those girls who dreamt of her wedding; instead, all I wanted to do was travel the world and not depend on men. But here I am, about to get married for the second time and planning a wedding that it was supposed to be intimate and small. So far, we have 40 people going to the wedding.
Don’t get me wrong, I love every single person that said yes but also I was not aware how much work a wedding was going to be.
I know you are probably thinking, but this is your second wedding shouldn't you be used to it?
The answer is NO, my first wedding was planned in a week, we had 25 people, buffet style, and an accordionist (since we couldn’t find anything else on such short notice), and the theme was Nightmare Before Christmas.
Everything was great, simple, intimate and so much fun. I was expecting something similar this time or just elope but that didn’t happen.
Long story short, now that we are having a “real wedding”, I knew it had to be somewhat different and had to add a touch of me in all of it. My fiance chose Vegas as our destination, the Golden Nugget for the reception, and we picked the Neon Museum for the ceremony. So far nothing is out of the norm.
Once I got my **wedding planner book** (Thanks Mom!) I realized how much work weddings are and all the stupid must-do things we have to do. As a rebel and not like people telling me what to do, I knew my wedding had to be different but how?
That was the problem…
I started pinning and Tik Toking to find the right answer but it was impossible. So here are 4 things I have learned while planning my wedding.
As I previously mentioned I did not want a “traditional wedding” so first of all let's talk about “non-traditional weddings” and what they are
What are unconventional weddings?
They are weddings that do not follow traditional orders. For example, not getting married in a church, bridesmaids not using the same dress and color, not seeing the bride the day before, etc. You get the point.
In fact, by having a non-traditional wedding you have the flexibility to do as you please, there are no rules, and you can stray from the norm.
1.Listen to your gut and know when to budge.
As a people pleaser, I wanted to make everybody happy without taking into consideration how I was denying myself and my fiance the things we really wanted and were important to us. This is something many brides and grooms do; pleasing parents, friends, wedding parties, guests, etc.
As a bride and groom, you have to prioritize yourself and your needs for such a special day. I mean you are committing to a person for the rest of your life, might as well have a party the way you want it versus what others tell you to do.
It is important to recognize the things that are important to you, that make you, YOU, and if you want to be flexible make sure that the things you chose to do are things that you won’t regret when you look back.
For example, I knew I wanted to get married in black or a pop of color. At the same time, it was really important to go dress shopping with my dad because he has always been my shopping buddy, surprisingly he has a great eye for fashion. When we were on our way to get the dress, he told me that he would not approve of a black dress, especially if he was paying for it. Luckily, we were able to come to an agreement and ended up getting a black and white dress. I might end up dying in a color or splattering paint all over it, just to make it more me. (Don’t tell my dad that shhh) I felt good about that compromise and it also allowed us to have a father-daughter moment when we knew it was the one. So I am extremely grateful for that decision even though I didn't get my black dress.
Another thing that was causing a bit of uncertainty was my hair. I am one of those girls that change her hair color based on mood but everybody including my fiance wanted to see me have “normal hair”, I said ok to going back to natural, but my gut kept telling me something different. Whenever I thought about normal hair for my wedding I felt uneasiness in my stomach, so I chose to confront everybody and tell them that I will do whatever I want with my hair and that people have to deal with it. I knew that I would regret seeing pictures of my wedding if I have “normal hair” and not seeing myself.
Listen to your gut and think: Would I regret not doing or doing X at my wedding?
This is your time, your day, do what makes you happy.
2.Spending tons of money won’t make it more fun
No matter how simple your wedding is, you are going to spend a good chunk of money. You can DIY a bunch of the decoration and some other stuff, but let’s be real you are not going to cook the day before your wedding or the day off for x amount of people, so you have to get a caterer, restaurant, or venue that will take care of food, booze, and any other details that you don’t want to worry while you are celebrating your wedding.
The goal is for your guests and the newlyweds to have tons of fun.
Yes, I want to feed and booze our guests up, but I also want them to have fun and not bore them with the typical father-daughter dance, throw my bouquet, or spend tons of money on a cake that nobody will eat and is just for pics.
When is time to create a budget and plan your wedding make sure to prioritize the things that REALLY matter to both of you and make a list of the things you are willing to spend money on.
This is your day, you don’t have to follow any rules, this is the time for you to celebrate that you finally found somebody that can deal with your craziness and wants to spend the rest of their life with you.
Whether you choose to have a big wedding, micro-wedding, or elope make sure that you don’t worry about the money and silly details, make sure to enjoy the day with your forever person, plus if your friends are like ours they won’t even remember the wedding because they might be drunk by the time of the cocktail hour. LOL
3.The color and theme don’t matter
It is 2023 and most of us are very open-minded and prefer to do things our own way which is why I definitely recommend getting married in any color you want. The meaning behind a wedding dress was that you were marrying a pure, virgin, and innocent woman. Let’s be real that is not the norm anymore, you can be a saint or a little minx, it is your wedding so wear whatever you want. As I said before, pay attention to your gut. If you want to get married in Barbie pink go for it, this is your day, and if you want your wedding party to dress as zombies even better, whoever doesn’t agree with your choices doesn’t know you and shouldn’t be part of your wedding.
Make sure to invite people that really know, respect, and support the decisions you make for your wedding. As much as you want everybody to have an amazing time this is all about you two and the commitment you are making to each other.
4.Weddings are an eye opener
This one was unexpected. I guess a wedding brings the good and bad of people including the bride and groom obviously. In my case, I felt like I was being very submissive to what others wanted. I know it is super contradictory to what I stand for but since I have no idea how weddings work I was going by everybody else’s opinion and suggestions from social media.
As I mentioned before, planning my dream wedding was not in the plans plus I am from Ecuador, and the traditions there are nothing like here. My fiancé is Polish and I don’t think he has ever thought about his dream wedding so planning all this stuff has been hard. We both love waiting until the last minute to get things done and apparently, when you chose to have a legit wedding everything has to be planned in advance.
Having a wedding party can be super dramatic, there are tons of mixed personalities, and trying to have everybody get along can be tricky. My suggestion is don’t have a wedding party that way you don't have to deal with any of it.
Anyway, as I mentioned weddings bring a lot of stuff out from friends and family, like money; how much or how little people want to spend or help with, taste in stuff; colors, themes, decorations, etc, and traditions that you wish to or don’t want to follow. I am sure there are more stuff that will vary based on your background, nationality, and who you are as a person but just having to deal with all that makes a wedding super stressful.
On the other side, you also get to learn who your ride or dies are, and who is there to support you during the good, bad, ugly, and crazy things you want to do. It can also bring you closer to friends or family. Even if you are going to DIY some of your stuff, it can be a good excuse to get together with your crafty friends or even bring the family together.
Our wedding is in Vegas. Apparently, that is considered a destination wedding and because of that, many of our family members have decided to travel to Californian, Nevada, and other surrounding states and make a vacation out of it.
It is kind of sad that planning our wedding is not exciting me at all and all I want is to get over it or cancel it. Many people have mentioned how much I'm supposed to enjoy it and look forward to it but I can’t agree with anybody. The stress of planning a wedding is not my jam and I would have preferred to elope.
Weddings come in all shapes, forms, and budgets. I recommend that you think about what is important to you, having people together, having an intimate as a couple, party with important people in your life. Whatever it is get ready for all the situations and no matter what, try to have fun and celebrate the fact that you found the person who wants to spend the rest of their life with you and can deal with your craziness.
Have fun, enjoy your wedding, celebrate your love story, and do it your way!
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